Why I’m not dieting for my wedding

I’m not dieting for my wedding.

I’m walking down the aisle as myself: NOT my “best” self – just MY self.

As I’ve been thinking about how I wanted to close out my time in the States in preparation for Singapore, I realized that my wedding preparation is included in my Singapore preparation. And as I was praying, I felt like God was challenging me to walk down the aisle the way I want to “walk” into Singapore.  I don’t want to enter Singapore as my “best” and “fakest” self.  Let’s be real, if I drop 5 lb/2.5 kg right before the wedding, I KNOW i’m just going to gain 10 lb/4.5 kg quickly after that in hamburgers and chili crab.  So I’m going to walk as my TRUE self.

If I crash diet to lose weight, will I convince myself that me minus a few pounds is my most beautiful self? And that when I gain extra weight that I’m less beautiful? When I get to Singapore and a shop owner rebuffs me from purchasing clothes because they don’t have clothes in my size, will I be able to still look in the mirror and know that I am beautiful? Or will it only add on to the instability of my confidence that I had already been shaking months before the wedding?

And how do I want myself captured in pictures on my wedding day?  As an unnatural weight that I haven’t been maintaining this entire year?  Or as the person that PJoe got to know and proposed to in the first place?

Similarly, if I binge-memorize 5 verses from the Bible for missions training, what does it do for my spiritual health?  Does it momentarily make me look good at missions training because I did my homework?  How does it help me for the rest of my life if I forget those verses an hour after the meeting ends? When I get to Singapore, do I want to present myself as holier and more knowledgable than I really am?

Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to look like a model at my wedding (and I mean, for the rest of my life). I’d also love to have the entire Bible memorized, be super humble and holy, and be basically…perfect.  But I’m not. And I’m still beautiful and I’m still a child of God – and no one and nothing can change that.

Our “best” self is a truly transformed and consistent self.  I’m a big supporter of improving our lifestyle for something healthier.  Working out regularly? Reading the Bible and praying regularly? Yes please! Crash diets and binge-Bible memory? Not for me. I don’t want to conform to the world’s standards of beauty, success, or wedding preparation.  Instead I want to be transformed by the renewing of my mind and values (Ro 12:2). I think THIS is the best preparation for marriage and Singapore preparation…or any big life-stage preparation for that matter.

The real question is what are we preparing for?  For one day/moment, or for our eternity?

I want to walk down the aisle the way I want to walk into Heaven: as myself.

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