It has been a long hiatus away from this blog. Since the last entry, I’ve had another son. 2018 was a difficult and transformative year. Difficult first, then transformative. Which is often as life goes.
6+ years ago, someone gifted me with a “one line a day for five years” journal. The premise is as titled: everyday for 5 years, you write one line to remember. I cherished that journal and took it with me everywhere. I never let a day pass without writing something down. It saw me through my mid/late 20’s angst as a single woman, into dating, into marriage, into life as a first time mother.
As I wrote the last entries of the 5 year journal, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of accomplishment, gratitude, and discipline. I kept at it for 5 years. They say that it takes 21 days to build a habit. 5 x 365 days must have built one unbreakable habit.
So I started off volume 2 of my new 5 year journal with excitement. January 1, 2017’s line:
“Praying I’ll know more of God’s goodness in His character this year”.
January 1, 2018 I was married, mother to a beautiful boy, living in Singapore, building a church. What would December 31, 2022 bring? With certainty, I thought that every page of volume 2 would be full.
And then 2018 unfolded. To our great joy, we found out I was pregnant in January. To our dismay, the pregnancy faced significant troubles and much of the year was spent addressing those issues. It was physically and emotionally tiring. I held onto God tightly throughout the year, but I came to a place of such fatigue, that the thought of recording one line a day seemed to be too much. I was just trying to hang on, and I only had room to hold onto God. In the midst of unanswerable questions and long struggles, I saw that all I could do was lean on WHO God is instead of WHAT God was doing. Indeed, I learned God’s goodness. And no, I don’t regret praying that prayer.
I’ve since resumed writing in the journal again and intentionally left the hiatus spaces blank as a remembrance of how hard things were, and the fact that I came back.
Similarly, the ebb and flow of this blog has reflected
- The fact that life was once too “full” to recount in real time
- A lack of courage to hit “publish” to some thoughts. The title “pray for Singapore” as a blog can set a lofty goal in terms of content to write and not write. Do daily musings of my personal life count as things to pray for in Singapore? I’ve decided yes. The things that my family encounters on a micro and macro level are meant to be on this site. The minutiae of living as a missionary family in a metropolitan city can show a glimpse of the need to pray for our family, our church, our city, and the world.
So I unabashedly resume writing on this blog to remember in real-time the lessons we’re learning from our experiences here in Singapore, and in life in general. Please pray for us as we continue this journey.